Gift from the Sea

My husband gifted me a 50th anniversary edition of the book Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindberg on my 40th birthday. I wish I had an account of my thinking when I read it in 2008, but I don't so I am starting now. I plan to reread this insightful book every year around my birthday. Anne Morrow Lindberg was more than just Charles Lindberg's wife. She was a woman filled with wisdom living during the time change (for women) was on the horizon. She was a writer, an incredible thinker, a mother, daughter, etc. I was surprised by the beauty of the book I remember because I am so drawn to the sea and her written reflection on life using gifts from it are to be admired and treasured.

She organized the book into chapters titled for the gifts she discovers during her solitary time in a cottage by the coast of Florida prior to the publication of her book in 1955. The following are my thoughts, today, based on her reflections.

Chapter 1: Beach

The beach teaches us patience. If we dig for treasures, it shows our impatience, greed, and lack of faith. The lesson I carry is that we should allow ourselves the opportunity to experience all the beautiful moments that "happen" on their own. A reminder that God grants us everything He wants for us, but all in His time.

Chapter 2: Channeled Whelk

Lindberg reflects on the need to change both our outward and inward way of living. This made me reflect on the shape of my life: a husband, three children, a career complete. This begs me to seek out what I want for myself...spiritually? for the world? The idea of multiplicity vs. simplicity comes into focus. I strive for simplicity as I feel I ran the proverbial rat race while establishing and maintaining my career and then raising children, keeping a home, being a wife, being a friend and countless other opportunities that allowed me to grow, but also took a toll on me. "Distractions," she wrote are the basic problem. They keep us from balance, and balance is something I have sought for many years. One day I hope to achieve it! The author wrote that there is no easy answer, but trying to simplify life is a great start—cutting out distractions—finding a balance. Shedding what keeps us from being our authentic selves. Learning to surround yourself with those you can be completely honest with...then you won't worry about the dust on the furniture when a friend drops by! You lose the mask you put on to make it seem like you can handle it all! An unrealistic goal, of course. I am so blessed that I have people in my life whom I know I can be honest with. You know who you are!

Chapter 3: Moon Shell

This chapter is dedicated to islands, "ringed by miles of water, linked by no bridges, no cables, no telephones." I love the idea of "islands of time." When we take a step back: be it vacation, a pause in the day, etc. you are only faced with the present. It is okay to be alone with yourself. What is the saying, " You can't do any good for your family and friends if you aren't good with yourself?" That island time to yourself can do wonders for you. Lindberg writes of how a woman gives and doesn't replenish. Solitude is one way to refill; replenish oneself. Creative solitude even! We can find countless (guilty) reasons why we shouldn't take the "time", but we need it. We need it so that we learn to be still with our souls and feed them. She speaks about "quiet time alone," for contemplation, prayer, music, a centering line of thought or reading, of study or work. The moon shell is centered and so should we be—focused inward. I need this—not just for me, but for my family life, society, and then some! I am booking some solitary writing time and "being" time in the near future.

Chapter 4: Double Sunrise (bivalve)

Marriage relationships are the hardest to maintain. We have to remember that our marriages cannot remain at the same intensity as when we were newlyweds or in our 30s! Our relationships change/evolve. This is part of why we need to find our creative selves so that we can find the strength needed to work at our marriages. Lindberg writes of the value of married couples taking vacations alone or alone together where they can focus on the core relationship. It isn't just helpful for the marriage, but for the children, too! We must learn to build relationships with our children as individuals. I think that unmarried people can also do the same as they build or maintain relationships with close friends.

Chapter 5: Oyster Bed

"Marriage...a continuity of a relationship." She compares the middle years of marriage to an oyster shell. Oysters struggle to find their place on a rock much like a new couple seeking to find their roots, ties, a foundation. I love this comparison. Each oyster shell has unique bumps that make no two alike. So is a marriage. It is apropos to read this chapter on the advent of my 55th birthday as I meet "middle age" and face many changes ...children grown, moving out, launching careers, no longer desiring things as much as simplistic living, no longer at a crazed pace, but having the time to enjoy all kinds of activities that had been put on hold while living the earlier parts of my life. It is false thinking that the second part of life is to be lived in decline. Rather it is the opportunity to bloom again. This is the perfect time to learn new things, try new things, as one sheds many of the confines we lived with prior to this opportunity and fulfill what we have neglected of ourselves.

Chapter 6: Argonauta

In this chapter Lindberg speaks of this shell as part of life where we move on from the safety we built up as 20 and 30 year olds to a new freedom for growth. At this point in our lives (assuming there is no major age difference in partners) there is the engagement of two fully developed people. Now this may not come easily. Each individual would have to have evolved individually. When Lindberg wrote this in 1955 things were slowly changing for women and yet many things ring true today. A woman needs to learn to stand on her own. Not because she doesn't need anyone, but because she has to be able to depend on herself. The same holds true for her partner in order for them to meet in the middle at this stage in life.

I love these three points she makes about the day:

* morning- time for mental work akin to school days

*afternoon-time for physical tasks, outdoor work

*evening- time for sharing, communication

One last point I found fascinating: each cycle we go through is valid just like the argonauta does.

Chapter 7: A Few Shells

The message I take from this chapter is that fewer is better. There is no need to collect so many "shells" —a few stand out as most significant. Taking time to be still and have space is a priority for us to continue the work on ourselves we want so much to attend to. Lindberg suggests keeping our eyes focused on simplistic living, but also allowing ourselves opportunities to enrich our lives through varied experiences.

Chapter 8: The Beach at My Back

Lindberg wraps up the book with the point that we should face the here and now and work on the individual as there is so much yet to explore.

I am grateful to Anne Morrow Lindberg for writing her reflections for others to use as a springboard for their own!

I am appreciative of the understanding of my evolution as a wiser, grown woman. Some days I am astounded at how long it has taken me to learn certain things, but I am glad I have! It is with such wonder that I continue to work on who I am. I am especially grateful that I have my family and friends in my life to help me to along my journey. On the eve of a trip to the Carolinas in search of exploring several key beaches (Yes, in the winter!), I hope to perchance stumble across a few gifts from the sea to remind me of how truly blessed I am.